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Communication is an exchange of hidden biases.

Unless we intentionally adjust how we convey and interpret messages.

Disclaimer: (originally posted on LinkedIn) The views presented in this article are based on my own learnings about the workplace and cover a fraction of a much larger systemic problem. I’m not claiming that changing the way we communicate will solve this systemic problem or that it dissolves decades of “othering” experienced by underrepresented groups in the workplace. I am, however, claiming that changing the way we communicate is a step in the right direction.

In my role as an inclusive leadership educator, I have 100s of conversations with women, men, and gender-neutral individuals about unconscious biases, how to spot them, and how to correct them.

I’ve found that communication is a core ingredient for both shaping unconscious biases and correcting unconscious biases.

Here, by communication, I’m specifically referring to:

1. The words we use to convey a message
2. The lens through which we interpret a message

To illustrate what I mean, let’s consider the following two separate questions:

1. How are you and your colleague different from each other?
2. When was the first time you experienced difference (aka separation from others)?

Now lean in. Can you spot any hidden bias(es) in each question?

Let’s find the answers by examining each question through: a) what’s being conveyed; and b) the likely interpretation.

What’s being conveyed?

The speaker’s word choices in each question

The first question focuses on uncovering differences between two people. The question doesn’t read: “How are you different from your colleague?” or “How is your colleague different from you?” If it did, the hidden bias in the question would be that one of the two individuals is somehow better. Using the words “each other” changes the (hidden) intention; it eliminates any rank between the two individuals and conveys balance in their comparison. The word choices in the question, therefore, necessitate an inclusive and unbiased comparison for the receiver.

The second question focuses on the state of being that resulted in an experience of separation from a majority group. This reveals two insights:

1. First, the question is not calling on an observation; rather, a personal experience. This is evidenced by the words “you” and “experienced.” So the speaker’s first (hidden) intention is to include your experience.
2. Next, “difference” or “separation from the majority group” requires bias, which can be positive or negative.

What’s the likely interpretation?

The receiver’s interpretation lens

The first question requires the receiver to make a comparison between two individuals and to surface their differences. Because the question is framed with inclusion in mind, the receiver consciously or unconsciously has to extract bi-directional differences. Meaning, find out how person A is different from person B and how person B is different from person A. Thus, the receiver’s interpretation of the question is more likely to be neutral.

In the second question, the receiver is asked to remember an experience of difference. Because the question is framed with exclusion in mind, the receiver will consciously or unconsciously interpret “difference’’ as advantageous or disadvantageous based on their life experiences.

For example, on my first day in 3rd grade, I remember instantly feeling different from my classmates. I had just moved to Canada from Iran and couldn’t ignore how strikingly different my clothes looked compared to the other students.

Now, it’s really important to call out that, on its own, the experience of difference is neither positive nor negative. The positive or negative value associated with difference is imposed on us through years and years of societal conditioning. The reality is that we’re all born into and grow up in a hierarchical environment fueled by competition (e.g. family, school, workplace, society at large). Consequently, we’re all conditioned to interpret differences with a bias and to also interact with the world with those same biases. Worst of all, many of the biases are buried deep in our unconscious minds because they were normalized over centuries.

Here are a few examples which are inherently biased:

• Asians are great at math
• Women are too emotional
• Marriage is for heterosexual couples
• To be successful you have to be competitive

The Good News

Hopefully you’re now more aware of how we’re all conveying and interpreting messages with hidden biases. The good news is there’s a more consciously unbiased way to interact with people.

First, deliberately choosing your words can help to convey more inclusive and unbiased messages. Next, on the receiving end, intentionally reframing what you hear or read can positively change your interpretation of a message and help you to uncover advantages of your difference(s) too.

Going back to our earlier questions, choosing your words with inclusion in mind is the difference between: “How are technical program managers different from software engineers?” (hierarchical) vs “How are technical program managers and software engineers different from each other?” (inclusive and neutral).

Similarly, intentionally changing your interpretation is the difference between “women can’t be leaders because they’re too emotional” vs “women can be great leaders because of their ability to understand and manage a range of emotions (hence apply emotional intelligence).”

So the next time you’re having a conversation with someone, keep these points in mind:

1. How can you adjust your words to convey an unbiased or neutral message?
2. What lens are you using to interpret other people’s messages? How can you intentionally look for a positive interpretation?
3. Use your experience of difference to help you surface your unique skills and abilities.
4. Correcting unconscious bias is an iterative process and inevitably requires interaction with a diverse group of people. The more you practice spotting and correcting your unconscious bias, the more intuitively you’ll lead with inclusion.

Share your thoughts!

What are some ways you’ve been able to positively interpret your experience of difference in the workplace?

What unique abilities have you uncovered about yourself and how have you applied them in the workplace?